


Your Life Was My Life's Best Part

by MistressDarkness



Category: Lost Girl
Genre: 4x13, Dark Horse, Friendship, Gen, Mourning, Sacrifice, Sisters, faemily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-21
Updated: 2014-02-21
Packaged: 2018-01-13 05:42:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1214854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistressDarkness/pseuds/MistressDarkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bo is left to deal with the fallout of Kenzi's decision. Set directly after the final battle in 4x13. Major spoilers; if you have not seen or heard what happens in the season 4 finale, do not read this until after you've seen the episode.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Life Was My Life's Best Part

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: And I thought losing Hale was hard in 4x11. The finale just ripped my heart open, and again, made me cry. And just after I had finished saying how tv shows and movies never make me cry. This was a full on sob-fest. As you all know by now, Kenzi is my favourite character, and moreover, Bo and Kenzi's friendship is my favourite thing about Lost Girl. So when the finale hit me on both fronts, yeah I lost it. Great writing, amazing acting, and for a fan utterly heartbreaking. I also need to take a minute and give major props to Ksenia Solo this season, especially during the last 3 episodes of season 4. She was phenomenal!
> 
> I feel a bit like I have fic-ADD, I keep bouncing around from story to story every time something in the show hits me this hard. But you all know I can't ignore this, and I had to write something. I even have had people messaging me expecting me to write something, which made me smile. You know me too well. I will also admit, I've never actually cried while writing a fic, and I did with this one. God this show has made me so emotional, which is the complete opposite of me when it comes to fictional things! And I know in my heart that they'll bring Kenzi back in season 5 (PRAYING for a season 5, cause we can't end the show with her dead!) and yet it still hurts.
> 
> I chose this title from the song "You" by Keaton Henson which plays when Bo goes to visit Kenzi's grave. The line is sung right when Bo arrives at her gravestone. It's such a beautiful line and really encompasses the Bo & Kenzi friendship so perfectly.
> 
> Okay, enough of my ramblings cause I could talk about this forever. This story is just a one-shot, but trust me, I already have other stories regarding the finale in mind for later. I just want to focus on finishing some of the other fics I have going first. This was kind of cathartic to write, and I hope it helps you all cope with Kenzi's death to. I hope you guys like it, and please leave a comment, even if it's just to share in the sadness.

_**And If You Must Die Sweetheart, Die Knowing Your Life Was My Life's Best Part** _

Bo brought her arm down, the blindingly white light fading. Her eyes immediately scanned the area, looking for Kenzi. She had to be here, she had to be. Her mouth dropped open, choking on her breath. Her feet unconsciously moved her forward, towards her best friend's prone body sprawled out in front of the now closed gateway.

She felt a gust of wind as Tamsin rushed past her. The Valkyrie dropped to her knees by Kenzi's side, checking for any sign of life. A gut wrenching sob confirmed Bo's worst fears.

Dyson reached out, preventing Bo from going to Kenzi. He only uttered a single word, "Valhalla." Bo ripped her arm away from him. No one would keep her from her best friend, from her sister. She made it the rest of the way, falling down on the opposite side of Kenzi. Her trembling hand came up, checking for a pulse on the unconscious woman's neck. Nothing. She pressed harder, refusing to believe Kenzi was gone. The small constant bump she wished to feel was nonexistent. Her hand moved down to grip Kenzi's wrist, hoping beyond hope that she would be able to feel there what she couldn't feel on her neck. She bit the inside of her cheek. Still nothing. Bo intertwined her fingers through Kenzi's limp ones, giving her hand a squeeze, but receiving none in return. She lowered her head to Kenzi's chest, her life and her emotions all resting on this final piece of hope. There was no thumping heartbeat, no rise and fall of the chest to signal that Kenzi was breathing. She was gone, truly gone.

Bo's face rose to look up into Tamsin's grief-stricken one. In her old life, Tamsin never would have mourned the death of a mere human, nor would she let her emotions get the best of her. But even Tamsin's hard exterior and the walls around her heart were no match for a petite young girl with a killer attitude. Kenzi had snuck her way into Tamsin's heart, into everyone's hearts.

One glance at Tamsin was all it took to know that Kenzi was dead. Unable to hold it in any longer, the succubus screamed "no!" Her free hand moved to cup Kenzi's face, her thumb gently caressing soft skin that was slowly become paler and paler. "Kenzi _please_ ," she begged. "Open your eyes. Just come back to me sweetheart, just come back to me." Tears cascaded down her face, the dam having been broken; there was no stopping them now. "Please don't do this to me," her chin quivered. "I need you. I love you Kenz," she used the nickname fondly, trying not to focus on the fact that this was possibly the last time she would ever call Kenzi that to her face. She rested her forehead against Kenzi's, giving the hand wrapped in hers another squeeze. "Please," she whispered, her breath on the younger woman's face, "call me an idiot, call me selfish, just say something. Anything." She inhaled deeply, trying to swallow the impossibly large lump in her throat. "I'll buy you as many new boots as you want," she tried to smile through her tears as she attempted to coax her friend back to the world of the living. "I know I haven't been around much, but that'll all change, I promise. We'll have that zombie movie marathon we never got a chance to do, I'll order an extra large pizza with extra cheese, and we'll beat the crap out of zombie hookers until after the sun comes up." She took another shuddering breath. "All you have to do is open your eyes baby girl, I'll do whatever you want, just please…" her voice broke, an ugly sob escaping past her lips.

"You didn't have to do this," Bo wept, "you didn't have to go." She could have a found a way to save Kenzi from this fate, she always finds a way. This didn't have to happen, it shouldn't have had to happen. But it had.

The succubus threw her head back, her radiant blue eyes wide open as chi began to leave her friends and family, entering her mouth. They struggled momentarily against the pull, feeling their life force exiting their bodies. Bo cut off the flow as Dyson and Trick dropped to their knees, suddenly weak. Tamsin gasped, already having been in a crouched position before the sudden attack. Bo cursed the revenants for not having supplied her with any chi, but they were already dead, already fallen by Kenzi's sacrifice.

Bo tipped Kenzi's head towards her with care, her thumb grazing the girl's bottom lip before pulling it down to open her mouth. She pushed all of the chi she had just collected into Kenzi's prone form, combining it with her own. Her face grew strained as she continued to expel it from her body, feeling herself growing weaker by the second. Tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes.

Tamsin leaned over, shoving Bo backwards, causing her to tip sideways and break the connection. The succubus's eyes burned with fury directed at the blonde before her, "why the hell did you do that?!" she growled.

The Valkyrie met her intense gaze with one of her own, "because you'll die!"

Bo gasped, hearing the same words echoed to her that she had spoken to Kenzi when they towered over Hale's lifeless body. In that moment, she understood Kenzi's pain, her grief, her anguish, her loneliness. It crashed down upon her, threatening to crush her under its massive weight.

"She did this for you Bo," Tamsin said in a softer tone, seeing the fight drain right out of the fae. "Don't let her death be in vain." She tried to explain to the distraught woman, telling her to live in Kenzi's name. "She wanted you to live."

Bo focused on her little sister, hanging on to every second like it was her last lifeline. She held her breath, waiting for the other woman to draw in her own. "Please," she cried. "Breathe Kenzi," she said almost inaudibly. She tensed, her eyes dancing over the figure before her, looking for any sign of life, any sign at all. "If you can hear me Kenzi, squeeze my hand, just let me know you're still here," she pleaded. She stared at the hand laying in her hers, giving no response.

"Bo," Trick called sadly from behind her.

"No!" she yelled through gritted teeth before turning her attention back to Kenzi. The gentleness she reserved only for her beloved friend returned, "you can do it sweetie. I'm right here with you, I'm always here with you." The encouragement and reassurance was too little too late. "Oh god," she bawled, coming to the realization that her last ditch effort to bring Kenzi back was not enough. Her succubus powers couldn't save Hale, and now they couldn't save Kenzi. What the hell good were they if they couldn't even bring back the one person who meant more to her than the entire world?! And that's what Kenzi gave her life up for…the whole world. But it wasn't just that, it wasn't for everyone else whom she readily sacrificed herself for, it was for Bo. It was for the one person who accepted her with open arms, who loved her unconditionally, who claimed her as family. Family was the one thing Kenzi had been missing in her life for so long, a little girl on the inside craving to be loved, and she had finally found that in Bo. Bo had given her more than she would ever know, while Bo would always regret not giving Kenzi more.

She pounded her fist into the ground in anger. Hadn't she lost enough already?! Hadn't she given enough?! The whole world could burn for all she cared, as long as Kenzi was safe. She knew it was selfish, she knew it wasn't possible, but it was what she wanted. She would have given up anything to hold the raven-haired beauty in her arms one last time, to feel her warmth instead of the cold that was now seeping into her body. "I can't lose you! I can't!" she sobbed, draping her body over Kenzi's as she clung to her. "You're a fighter! You don't just give up like this!"

Bo felt a hand on her shoulder. Tamsin watched her as she tried to control her own grief from pouring out of her heart and soul. "She never gave up. She fought to the end, for all of us. She died a warrior's death."

A warrior. No, why hadn't she seen this before? Kenzi was the warrior referred to in the prophecy, not Rainer. _'Between the warrior and the queen, one of the two shall die.'_ How could she have missed that?! A human choosing to live in the fae world. Kenzi was always by her side, no matter what, fighting for her no matter the odds. She protected Bo physically, mentally, and emotionally. Bo pitied anyone who got on the wrong side of Kenzi's wrath. Her past with her stepfather's abuse, all of those years living on the streets, and fighting fae much more powerful than she; Kenzi was the definition of a warrior, a survivor. And yet, she had not survived this.

"Bo," Tamsin nudged her lightly, trying to bring her back out of the confines of her own mind. "It's time," she said solemnly.

"No!" she screamed, "don't take her from me." Tamsin could see the fear behind Bo's eyes, the fear of losing Kenzi forever.

Tamsin shook her head sadly, her own voice drowning in sorrow. "She's already gone Bo."

Bo lost any control she had over her emotions at the mere thought that someone wanted to take Kenzi away from her. She held the girl tightly to herself, rocking back and forth. Air came in forceful gasps as her lungs attempted to take in oxygen between harsh sobs. "Please Kenz," she begged one last time, knowing that if Kenzi didn't wake up now, it was all over. She desperately needed to see those stunning slate blue eyes once more, to see the twinkle behind them as the girl laughed. But she'd never get to see that again, nor would she hear that joyous sound accompany it.

Dyson stepped forward, resting his hand on her. "She had a plan Bo." His own eyes still glistened from unshed tears. If someone would have told the shifter five years ago that he would mourn the loss of a human, or that it would affect him so deeply, he wouldn't have believed them. He tried to ignore her when they first met, but Kenzi, always stubborn, would have nothing of the sort. He took her in as part of his pack, and his wolf howled in anguish at the death of its beloved family member.

Bo quickly shrugged off Dyson's hand, his touch making her skin crawl after his act of betrayal, after he forced her to watch Kenzi die. "I had a plan too, and look how fucking well that turned out!" she seethed.

Tamsin titled her head back, her shoulder blades hunched together. A brief flicker of physical pain tore through her, but it was nothing compared to the emotional agony she was going through. Wings sprouted from her back in a mixture of white, grey and black plumage.

Bo shook her head slowly from side to side in denial, biting her lip so hard she drew blood. She knew her time was quickly running out with her best friend. She choked back the tears, bending over to kiss Kenzi on the forehead. "I love you Kenzi, and I always will. You're the one person I didn't know I needed, and the one I never wanted to lose. You've been the light in the darkness that has shrouded my life. Watching your happiness… seeing your positive attitude, it always gave me hope. Nothing will ever be the same without you. God," she felt the tears start again, "I can't do this." She watched as the droplets fell from her face onto Kenzi's. She gently wiped them away from her friend's face. "You're my heart, and now it's broken. I'll never see your smile again… hear your laughter, or even just the sound of your voice." Memories floated through her mind, making it even harder to keep from bursting into hysterics again. "You've truly been a blessing, and you have to know that I will always treasure the times we had together." Her body trembled. "I don't care what anyone says, you're the strongest person I know, stronger than any fae." One hand griped her own head, her finger nails digging into her scalp. "I don't want to say goodbye to you, I…I can't. Your place is here with us, with me." She pressed her lips to Kenzi's cheek, the same place she had kissed her so many times over the years. She hugged her, holding Kenzi's head under her chin. Just the thought that this was the last time she would ever hold Kenzi ripped her apart. She sniffled, half expecting the woman's small arms to encircle her, telling her everything would be okay. She laid Kenzi back down with the utmost care.

The brunette grabbed the engagement ring from her jacket pocket, fumbling with it in her blurred vision. "I assume you wanted me to have this, since you slipped it into my pocket." She slid the ring onto her middle finger. "I promise you I'll keep it safe and cherish it as much as you did." Bo shrugged her jacket off, draping it over Kenzi's body. She treated the item like a blanket, tucking it in on the sides. She moved Kenzi's hands to rest folded on top of the jacket laying on her chest. "I'll always be with you."

"Rest now sweet girl. You've done more than enough. You deserve peace now," her lips turned upward slightly, wanting to send Kenzi off the same way Kenzi had said goodbye to her, with a smile. "I'm so proud of you, and honoured to call you my family. I love you, my little sister." Bo kissed two of her own fingers before gently placing them on Kenzi's soft lips. She knew she had to let go, she knew she had to let Tamsin take her, even as she did everything possible to delay the inevitable. She never wanted her last touch to be her final one. She brushed the backs of her fingers against Kenzi's pale cheek, reluctantly removing herself from her best friend's side.

She took two steps backwards, forcing her body to move against its will. Her eyes roamed over Kenzi, trying to memorize every little detail from the colour of her hair, to the tiny specks at the corner of her mouth, to the fashion sense that was just so her.

Tamsin's wings spread out, covering Kenzi in a protective and loving gesture. It only served to remind Bo that she was not the only one mourning. Tamsin had just lost the closest person she had ever had to a real mother. And she had to be the one to take Kenzi's soul from this world. Bo couldn't imagine the inner struggle the Valkyrie was waging with herself.

Bo knew Tamsin would take care of her. Neither woman would ever let harm come to their favourite human. Bo immediately scoffed at herself, the previous thought having come in to her mind automatically. They seemed to have done a shitty job of watching over Kenzi recently. No matter how much they wanted to protect Kenzi, they couldn't save her  
from this. Nor could they save her from herself.

Tamsin looked at Bo once more in mutual understanding. The blonde bowed her head, disappearing in a flash of white and gold. Bo couldn't hold back the whimper at seeing her sister's body vanish within a split second, as if she had never been there to begin with. Kenzi was gone, she was really gone. Reality began to set in. Bo would never see Kenzi again. Those were her final moments with the most important person in her life.

Seeing the life drain out of the succubus, Dyson frowned. He shared her pain, but he'd probably never know the extent of Bo's anguish. "Bo," he began, but he never got a chance to continue.

The brunette turned on him violently, her blue eyes flashing. She came at him, fists flying, pummeling his chest. "You did this!" she screamed at him. She landed blow after blow. "I could have saved her and you stopped me!" Her eyes glowed with an intensity he hadn't seen in them before.

Dyson just stood there, taking the beating he believed he deserved. He had let Kenzi convince him to let her go, but she hadn't convinced him that this was the right thing to do. He should have said to hell with prophecy. He should have found another way. He should have…

Dyson winced as Bo's strike made contact with an injury he sustained during battle.

"You let her die!" Bo cried, her emotions so raw he was barely able to understand her frantic yelling. "How could you do this to me, to _Kenzi_?! She has _never_ turned her back on you!" she hissed through clenched teeth.

Dyson's mind raced, reliving the moments Kenzi had saved him: from her hiding amongst dead fae in order to retrieve him after the berserkers almost killed him to the time she hacked away at the Norn's tree, endangering her life in more ways than one. She had done so much for him, and yet he had just stood by while she literally walked to her death. Tears finally spilled over, no longer caring who saw. His guilt ate away at his soul.

"She loved you and you betrayed her!" she sobbed, her heart crushing under the enormous weight. "I told you to protect her, to keep her safe!"

Bo's accusation flew at him. He had only just declared fealty to Bo that morning and yet he had already let her down. He had failed his queen and her warrior. Dyson grabbed her wrists to keep her punches at bay as she struggled against him.

"She didn't have to sacrifice herself! I could have fought him!" she screamed, referring to her father, the Pyripus. "I could have fought him!"

"And you would have died doing so!" Trick spoke up from the corner.

Bo froze, Kenzi's last words to her ringing in her mind, _"you're gunna be fine."_ Bo crumbled in Dyson's arms. "No, no, no!" she sobbed. Kenzi already had all of this planned out by that point. She knew exactly what she had to do. She knew Bo was going to be okay because she herself would make sure of it. "But I'm not Kenz," she cried, "I can never be okay without you."

Bo moved out of Dyson's grasp, sinking to the floor where Kenzi had last been. She touched the spot gingerly, still feeling the lingering warmth on the dirt from Kenzi's body. "You knew," Bo hugged herself on the cold cavern floor. "You knew and you didn't tell me," she choked. "I could have saved you," she whispered. But that's exactly why Kenzi didn't tell Bo anything about her plans, because she knew Bo would have stopped her. And she couldn't let that happen. It was Kenzi's turn to save Bo, to repay her for everything she had done for her. Bo had given Kenzi the life she never thought she could have, and the love she never thought she deserved.

Bo wept, "I wish it was me instead of you…I wish it was me." Dyson and Trick stood back, each mourning in his own way for their fallen friend. They watched the succubus' heart shatter as she cried for her sister. "You were the best part of me," she whispered to the air as if Kenzi could still hear her. She lifted her hand up to her face, Kenzi's engagement ring shining in the minimal light provided. She closed her eyes, pressing her lips against the red gem stone. Mascara streaks ran down either side of her face, but she couldn't care less. There was an emptiness in her chest where her heart should be that she doubted could ever be filled again. Her heart was gone.


End file.
